Autumnal Equinox

I.
Butterflies and crackling leaves
Sensed viscerally, aurally
Identity has never been mutually undefined
And so sublimely happy
A happiness that creates tears
That makes me fragile, lightheaded
This is all I never thought I wanted
I am angry and righteously so
But this motivation, this drive to succeed
And the purity of joy
Are all part of the web that is me
My mind processes a stream of images
Sights, sounds, fluttering anxiety
Flutter by and by
I juxtapose logic with creation
If my senses cannot appreciate beauty
Then why live?
We seek to open our eyes.

II.
Through the brushfire on my knees
Decaying brassy frequencies
Produced by fingers imperfect
Plagued by affection for the seductive
Her delirium, incited by absence
Your presence- I trip and tumble.

III.
In my constant search for reality
I looked in all the wrong places.
And now I know-
My brittle mind cannpt withstand
The heat of your gaze
Silent, feeling so much and saying nothing.
I say everything, always.
I pride myself on my skills of diplomacy
But the simplest phrase ties my tongue
Where on earth are you?
I believed this was different
Perhaps I am blinded by youth.

I ask little, for you owe me nothing
But I would invest all emotion
If only I could insure some return.
Nausea rises in both body and mind
Panicky fear that you may be done
And I have barely begun.
We run screaming to opposite poles,
Petrified by all that could be good,
Seeking what we have already discovered-
Again, again.

My Preconception, My Hindsight

She's sugary smooth, nothing but sensory,
Appealing to nature and urge
She bids farewell to pretense and worry
With a kiss both juicy and joyful
She's slim and wrapped up-
In herself and in you-
Equal parts level and wild
Foolishly, she intentionally falls
Aware that nothing beautiful is born easily.

We want our affairs uncomplicated,
Cost-efficient and utterly free
We believe ourselves monumentally hasty
But we are secretly worrisome and particular organisms
We blithely refurbish our careful storefronts
In constant fear of dreaded strings attached
Doesn't he want passion?
Heartache, messy and perhaps undoable
An unpleasant side effect of exquisite adrenaline

Love is their drug of choice
They swim in it, get their hopes up
He skins his knees, she tears her dress
Pray they will safely arrive
Tear-stained cheeks and all
Hand in hand with a mere human
As strong, smart, fast, likely scarred,
But still delicately hopeful as they.

Making sense of it all is a futile effort
For a rose colored mirror cannot reproduce a contradictory mind.
So as I allow my heavy lids to seal
I am soothed that time reveals all things
Today's muddy waters will cease to swirl
Becoming just glittering silt in the icy current.