In the moment nothing is sacred, nothing secure.
The mind decays in neglect, rusting indeterminably in the heat of a forgotten noon. Amazing that feeling, even pain, is relief. We all feign amusement, she nothing but a mistress of slovenly tactics. Staring frozen and free, inside the cage that is her body, she clicks and cries aloud.
I know nothing but sickness. God, you could snap me like a twig.
We engage, pulling hair intoxicated. Ambushed by light and adrenaline, my body reacts independently of my mind. Panicky blue. My pipe dream is debilitated and spurred on simultaneously.
We swim in the shallows, we stashed our brains in the fertile riverbed. My hands are numb, my heart ablaze. I hang from the proverbial rafters, splintered and searching, further action pending further communication. Demonstrative as I am, my lips may be my final recourse. I urge you, contemplate my soul as it exits my mouth.
And then-
I am silence, eyes open unseeing.
To Love is to Live is to Lose
A lawless soul she'd never met
Spoke words the heart cannot forget-
You can love whomever you please.
Absurd, this chosen act of fate
She fears her time will come too late
As swollen sunsets misbehave
She drowns the messy gift he gave
Asking questions written milky white
In a sky of sinking birds in flight-
You can love whomever you please.
I took quite a spill the night we met
My hands so full and my lashes so wet
Sprawled languid on the miry floor
You stammered something from the door
Tossing your keys at my feet so carelessly
Not realizing then what you did to me-
Do to me.
You can love whomever you please.
Concede the fact that love is lost
Easily gained, the line is crossed
Doubter of my soul unseen
Either low or high or in between
In haste we roll prophetic dice
We are not allowed to happen twice-
You can love whomever you please.
As dictated by the queens of hate
All that is good will have to wait
Our neon dreams began their dance
Then tamed by silly circumstance
With you I knew not what to do
Moments entwined are far and few-
You can love whomever you please.
As souls of atmospheric tendency
We shall never swallow dim mediocrity
A flick of the wrist, this shard of time
Settles coolly in the blackened wine
For truth emblazoned just beyond the light
I embrace each suffering winter's night-
You can love whomever you please.
Spoke words the heart cannot forget-
You can love whomever you please.
Absurd, this chosen act of fate
She fears her time will come too late
As swollen sunsets misbehave
She drowns the messy gift he gave
Asking questions written milky white
In a sky of sinking birds in flight-
You can love whomever you please.
I took quite a spill the night we met
My hands so full and my lashes so wet
Sprawled languid on the miry floor
You stammered something from the door
Tossing your keys at my feet so carelessly
Not realizing then what you did to me-
Do to me.
You can love whomever you please.
Concede the fact that love is lost
Easily gained, the line is crossed
Doubter of my soul unseen
Either low or high or in between
In haste we roll prophetic dice
We are not allowed to happen twice-
You can love whomever you please.
As dictated by the queens of hate
All that is good will have to wait
Our neon dreams began their dance
Then tamed by silly circumstance
With you I knew not what to do
Moments entwined are far and few-
You can love whomever you please.
As souls of atmospheric tendency
We shall never swallow dim mediocrity
A flick of the wrist, this shard of time
Settles coolly in the blackened wine
For truth emblazoned just beyond the light
I embrace each suffering winter's night-
You can love whomever you please.
Life on the Wave
Through tilted universe aquamarine
Wing on by my sweet, sweet child
Traversing lands blistering static
Swaddled in bitter hues-
Claws in her flesh and beak full of sand
He plunges toward the pulsing tundra.
We save the world, we eradicate falsehoods
Charred and stained glass divine
God is the capacity to create
Frothily dancing in a fertile brain
Tomorrow's child and coordinated demise
Simple shadow-invisible plate glass barriers
Gumming on slivers of atmospheric ambition
You are heat and boiling euphoria
Electric breeze in your hair and justice on your brow-
Kiss me with the fullness of your mouth
Carry me into the boundless surf that faints at your fingertips
And restore earth's waning faith in love.
Wing on by my sweet, sweet child
Traversing lands blistering static
Swaddled in bitter hues-
Claws in her flesh and beak full of sand
He plunges toward the pulsing tundra.
We save the world, we eradicate falsehoods
Charred and stained glass divine
God is the capacity to create
Frothily dancing in a fertile brain
Tomorrow's child and coordinated demise
Simple shadow-invisible plate glass barriers
Gumming on slivers of atmospheric ambition
You are heat and boiling euphoria
Electric breeze in your hair and justice on your brow-
Kiss me with the fullness of your mouth
Carry me into the boundless surf that faints at your fingertips
And restore earth's waning faith in love.
The Consummation of Light
Obscured by the darkness and hidden away-
A toothy grin yellows, suspended
The flexibility of time is astounding
I'm not the driver tonight
She waits quite impatiently
Mind open like a saucer in the rain
But, in a gust sweet as January
Droplets surge upwards and through her
Sound changes the world
Night is followed by the dawn, and-
No one arises at the urging of the sun
Lifeblood pools at the foot of the bed
Existence seems futile in its circularity
But repetition is the mother of joy
Purchased with conflict and angst
We wander as doves in an endless sky
A toothy grin yellows, suspended
The flexibility of time is astounding
I'm not the driver tonight
She waits quite impatiently
Mind open like a saucer in the rain
But, in a gust sweet as January
Droplets surge upwards and through her
Sound changes the world
Night is followed by the dawn, and-
No one arises at the urging of the sun
Lifeblood pools at the foot of the bed
Existence seems futile in its circularity
But repetition is the mother of joy
Purchased with conflict and angst
We wander as doves in an endless sky
Autumnal Equinox
I.
Butterflies and crackling leaves
Sensed viscerally, aurally
Identity has never been mutually undefined
And so sublimely happy
A happiness that creates tears
That makes me fragile, lightheaded
This is all I never thought I wanted
I am angry and righteously so
But this motivation, this drive to succeed
And the purity of joy
Are all part of the web that is me
My mind processes a stream of images
Sights, sounds, fluttering anxiety
Flutter by and by
I juxtapose logic with creation
If my senses cannot appreciate beauty
Then why live?
We seek to open our eyes.
II.
Through the brushfire on my knees
Decaying brassy frequencies
Produced by fingers imperfect
Plagued by affection for the seductive
Her delirium, incited by absence
Your presence- I trip and tumble.
III.
In my constant search for reality
I looked in all the wrong places.
And now I know-
My brittle mind cannpt withstand
The heat of your gaze
Silent, feeling so much and saying nothing.
I say everything, always.
I pride myself on my skills of diplomacy
But the simplest phrase ties my tongue
Where on earth are you?
I believed this was different
Perhaps I am blinded by youth.
I ask little, for you owe me nothing
But I would invest all emotion
If only I could insure some return.
Nausea rises in both body and mind
Panicky fear that you may be done
And I have barely begun.
We run screaming to opposite poles,
Petrified by all that could be good,
Seeking what we have already discovered-
Again, again.
Butterflies and crackling leaves
Sensed viscerally, aurally
Identity has never been mutually undefined
And so sublimely happy
A happiness that creates tears
That makes me fragile, lightheaded
This is all I never thought I wanted
I am angry and righteously so
But this motivation, this drive to succeed
And the purity of joy
Are all part of the web that is me
My mind processes a stream of images
Sights, sounds, fluttering anxiety
Flutter by and by
I juxtapose logic with creation
If my senses cannot appreciate beauty
Then why live?
We seek to open our eyes.
II.
Through the brushfire on my knees
Decaying brassy frequencies
Produced by fingers imperfect
Plagued by affection for the seductive
Her delirium, incited by absence
Your presence- I trip and tumble.
III.
In my constant search for reality
I looked in all the wrong places.
And now I know-
My brittle mind cannpt withstand
The heat of your gaze
Silent, feeling so much and saying nothing.
I say everything, always.
I pride myself on my skills of diplomacy
But the simplest phrase ties my tongue
Where on earth are you?
I believed this was different
Perhaps I am blinded by youth.
I ask little, for you owe me nothing
But I would invest all emotion
If only I could insure some return.
Nausea rises in both body and mind
Panicky fear that you may be done
And I have barely begun.
We run screaming to opposite poles,
Petrified by all that could be good,
Seeking what we have already discovered-
Again, again.
My Preconception, My Hindsight
She's sugary smooth, nothing but sensory,
Appealing to nature and urge
She bids farewell to pretense and worry
With a kiss both juicy and joyful
She's slim and wrapped up-
In herself and in you-
Equal parts level and wild
Foolishly, she intentionally falls
Aware that nothing beautiful is born easily.
We want our affairs uncomplicated,
Cost-efficient and utterly free
We believe ourselves monumentally hasty
But we are secretly worrisome and particular organisms
We blithely refurbish our careful storefronts
In constant fear of dreaded strings attached
Doesn't he want passion?
Heartache, messy and perhaps undoable
An unpleasant side effect of exquisite adrenaline
Love is their drug of choice
They swim in it, get their hopes up
He skins his knees, she tears her dress
Pray they will safely arrive
Tear-stained cheeks and all
Hand in hand with a mere human
As strong, smart, fast, likely scarred,
But still delicately hopeful as they.
Making sense of it all is a futile effort
For a rose colored mirror cannot reproduce a contradictory mind.
So as I allow my heavy lids to seal
I am soothed that time reveals all things
Today's muddy waters will cease to swirl
Becoming just glittering silt in the icy current.
Appealing to nature and urge
She bids farewell to pretense and worry
With a kiss both juicy and joyful
She's slim and wrapped up-
In herself and in you-
Equal parts level and wild
Foolishly, she intentionally falls
Aware that nothing beautiful is born easily.
We want our affairs uncomplicated,
Cost-efficient and utterly free
We believe ourselves monumentally hasty
But we are secretly worrisome and particular organisms
We blithely refurbish our careful storefronts
In constant fear of dreaded strings attached
Doesn't he want passion?
Heartache, messy and perhaps undoable
An unpleasant side effect of exquisite adrenaline
Love is their drug of choice
They swim in it, get their hopes up
He skins his knees, she tears her dress
Pray they will safely arrive
Tear-stained cheeks and all
Hand in hand with a mere human
As strong, smart, fast, likely scarred,
But still delicately hopeful as they.
Making sense of it all is a futile effort
For a rose colored mirror cannot reproduce a contradictory mind.
So as I allow my heavy lids to seal
I am soothed that time reveals all things
Today's muddy waters will cease to swirl
Becoming just glittering silt in the icy current.
The Manipulator
With slight of hand and clumsy feet
The sweet child proves in turn to be cunning
A geisha with wings of titanium
And an infallible mind like a steel trap
Softness and affection mask ambition
Intelligence in quantities considered obscene
But lust is absent in the never-ceasing action
My desires include a meeting of the minds
Simple conversation, a discourse on art
All in the pursuit of bettering one’s mind
And yes, physical proximity is paramount
But for what purpose, love?
Perspiration may be created by all kinds of effort
The most genuine and purposeful of which
Is shuffling papers with mind racing
Energy devoted primarily to accomplishment
Maximum output due to extreme coordination
Perhaps pathologically so.
My repetitive motion is completed mindlessly
I observe simultaneous thrill and loss
Gears grind to a halt.
Blame it on operator error if you wish
Or on the impotence of this world to excite
Better to err on the mechanical side
But she feels, bleed, loves and aches
She can do all things logical
In this her confidence has never wavered
So assume the position of authority
Blither through each moment like a man
She worships your multi-faceted perfection
And in so doing she rules the world.
11 August 2008
The sweet child proves in turn to be cunning
A geisha with wings of titanium
And an infallible mind like a steel trap
Softness and affection mask ambition
Intelligence in quantities considered obscene
But lust is absent in the never-ceasing action
My desires include a meeting of the minds
Simple conversation, a discourse on art
All in the pursuit of bettering one’s mind
And yes, physical proximity is paramount
But for what purpose, love?
Perspiration may be created by all kinds of effort
The most genuine and purposeful of which
Is shuffling papers with mind racing
Energy devoted primarily to accomplishment
Maximum output due to extreme coordination
Perhaps pathologically so.
My repetitive motion is completed mindlessly
I observe simultaneous thrill and loss
Gears grind to a halt.
Blame it on operator error if you wish
Or on the impotence of this world to excite
Better to err on the mechanical side
But she feels, bleed, loves and aches
She can do all things logical
In this her confidence has never wavered
So assume the position of authority
Blither through each moment like a man
She worships your multi-faceted perfection
And in so doing she rules the world.
11 August 2008
Romance
Through the looking glass we have so frequently traveled
You and I, but never together
We have always held the hand of another
An equally beautiful
Ideal and infatuating companion.
In what capacity do you sense
The warmth of my hand in yours?
Breathing on my cheek as you do,
The unique sonority of your voice
Will certainly be difficult
To eradicate from my memory.
Perhaps this journey we are making is useless,
Made separately many times previous
And yet our childish affections drive us to it.
I attempt to have hope, and to swallow it simultaneously
My heart has the tendency to greatly inform my mind
And my mind creates consequences my heart cannot endure.
In my modern and relative existence,
In spite of my self-awareness
I continually seek definition
From him, her, the obvious choice,
Or from indispensable you.
This talk of gray areas has the power to exhaust
And the blurry world is beautiful even in the dark
So I shall request only this,
That you delicately handle, like an egg
My often fragile heart
Show to me the colors of everything under the sun.
You have the power to illuminate the tranquil euphoria
Ever-present in a timid heart like mine
She needs nothing more complicated or troublesome
Than the sight of her reflection in your glassy eyes.
You and I, but never together
We have always held the hand of another
An equally beautiful
Ideal and infatuating companion.
In what capacity do you sense
The warmth of my hand in yours?
Breathing on my cheek as you do,
The unique sonority of your voice
Will certainly be difficult
To eradicate from my memory.
Perhaps this journey we are making is useless,
Made separately many times previous
And yet our childish affections drive us to it.
I attempt to have hope, and to swallow it simultaneously
My heart has the tendency to greatly inform my mind
And my mind creates consequences my heart cannot endure.
In my modern and relative existence,
In spite of my self-awareness
I continually seek definition
From him, her, the obvious choice,
Or from indispensable you.
This talk of gray areas has the power to exhaust
And the blurry world is beautiful even in the dark
So I shall request only this,
That you delicately handle, like an egg
My often fragile heart
Show to me the colors of everything under the sun.
You have the power to illuminate the tranquil euphoria
Ever-present in a timid heart like mine
She needs nothing more complicated or troublesome
Than the sight of her reflection in your glassy eyes.
The Inevitable and the Unknown
Her cold crisp energy rushes by in the sweltering slanted sun, its unclean friction swirling continually in me. Chaos has always been anxiously melded in the belly of the beast, created of nothing but thoughts momentarily bemused upon. I must learn to contain these urges, emulsified only by surging electricity, fashioned in the expansiveness of each precious happening. Even if this manipulation continues, I will adamantly feign objection.
I am forcibly astounded by my own skills of mediocrity. I predict that these contributions you make will incite my fuse to blow. Although my sense of direction is impeccable, time and the spectrum of light are subjectively perceived. Rosy contentment coexists with subdued blue only on my watch. Considering this, and my freshly realized heartbreak, I can't halt the acidic panic rising in the locks. At least I can hold on to the memory of those few days, exquisite and delicate and quite capable of shattering my heart. Perhaps that is the best that we can do.
Let's go back to New York. Walk in the sun, sit by the lake. You'll be bleary eyed and delirious when I arrive, and as I get in the cab I will cry at the loss of what we can never achieve again.
I am forcibly astounded by my own skills of mediocrity. I predict that these contributions you make will incite my fuse to blow. Although my sense of direction is impeccable, time and the spectrum of light are subjectively perceived. Rosy contentment coexists with subdued blue only on my watch. Considering this, and my freshly realized heartbreak, I can't halt the acidic panic rising in the locks. At least I can hold on to the memory of those few days, exquisite and delicate and quite capable of shattering my heart. Perhaps that is the best that we can do.
Let's go back to New York. Walk in the sun, sit by the lake. You'll be bleary eyed and delirious when I arrive, and as I get in the cab I will cry at the loss of what we can never achieve again.
A Spirit Vibrant and Unwell
Just slow down,
Don't forget how to inhale exhale
I am holding your essence
In my sweaty little hand and yet
I am terrified-
Petrified by my constant recklessness.
My sunny disposition
It's who I really am, believe it
Or else you will never know me.
A contradiction unto myself
Is all I have ever been
And more than I ever knew to wish for.
Paradoxical existence has begun to bore me.
Such a florid schism unfolds
Within my physical hemisphere of reason
As the world becomes curiouser and curiouser
My cognition expands like a galaxy
Hastening in perpetuity.
I need to reel it back,
But I covet the gluttony
Of knowledge, a binge on ingenuity
Even while ill, I am compelled to consume it.
By all estimations, I will forever be
Inebriated by your torrid gaze
And indispensable touch.
That I don't find prosaic in the least.
Have I ever been lacking for love?
12 June 2008
Don't forget how to inhale exhale
I am holding your essence
In my sweaty little hand and yet
I am terrified-
Petrified by my constant recklessness.
My sunny disposition
It's who I really am, believe it
Or else you will never know me.
A contradiction unto myself
Is all I have ever been
And more than I ever knew to wish for.
Paradoxical existence has begun to bore me.
Such a florid schism unfolds
Within my physical hemisphere of reason
As the world becomes curiouser and curiouser
My cognition expands like a galaxy
Hastening in perpetuity.
I need to reel it back,
But I covet the gluttony
Of knowledge, a binge on ingenuity
Even while ill, I am compelled to consume it.
By all estimations, I will forever be
Inebriated by your torrid gaze
And indispensable touch.
That I don't find prosaic in the least.
Have I ever been lacking for love?
12 June 2008
Vocal Timbre and Abbey Road
Excerpts from my final paper written in college. I have left out the most technical parts and the charts for the sake of space, but it is a paper I am proud of so I would like to post a few things to give the flavor of the piece.
Paul McCartney’s Exploration of Vocal Timbre on Abbey Road
Timbre is the distinct quality of sound that allows the listener to differentiate musical instruments as well as human voices from one another. The range of tone color a particular instrument is capable of can be employed in the hands of a skilled composer to create a mood and distinct sound image in the ear of the listener. In classical and popular music alike, changes in timbre are often employed to denote the overarching form in a sectional piece and also breathe life into more traditional or “standardized” forms. The Beatles’ Abbey Road album contains examples of how vocal timbre is the most powerful means of expression and storytelling in the music of Paul McCartney. By examining the songs “Oh! Darling” from side one and “You Never Give Me Your Money” from the side two medley with a focus on McCartney’s manipulation of vocal timbre, it becomes apparent that his choices either create the dramatic thrust of these songs within the framework of a simple form, or alternately determine how we see the form of the larger whole....
In the Abbey Road medley, which encompasses “You Never Give Me Your Money” through “The End”, timbre is paramount is defining form and structure, and McCartney’s choices of vocal timbre is the primary means by which the story is told. In combination with textural and timbral changes in the orchestration and production techniques, abrupt changes in vocal sound create contrast and interest. The level of vocal manipulation that McCartney employs in a number of tracks on the album not only helps to denote the form but create it. This use of tone color is in accordance with Stock’s statement that “timbre can be activated primary determinant of musical structure." While discussion of timbre in general is important to the Beatles’ entire catalog, I am focusing primarily on vocal timbre....
The through-composed nature of “You Never Give Me Your Money” lends itself to characterization and storytelling. McCartney skillfully creates moods of contemplation and reverence, alternated with flashback and finally nostalgia via changes in vocal timbre. As the storyteller, McCartney’s vocal characterization is the most important tool of expression in this “movement” of the Abbey Road medley. This by examining the tracks “Oh! Darling” and “You Never Give Me Your Money”, one can see the importance of Paul McCartney’s large range of tone colors. His timbre choices reinforce the character he creates in both songs, and the contrasting tone colors he creates with his voice reinforce the emotional trajectory in the different sections of both songs, therefore delineating form in the ear of the listener. In the music of The Beatles and popular music in general, the focus on timbre as the primary means of analysis reveals a new level of artistry on the part of the composers and performers.
Prone
Goodbye. Soaring nights of unthinkable song,
Notes like plasma linger in the haze.
I sang a song of valentines and smoky euphoria
Dreams of youth live on in my dizzy reality
But this will never do.
No question, this is blatant irresponsibility.
Sunlight continues to crash in upon my nauseous morning
I can only remember the stumble, tripping walking
Am I drowning? Perhaps this is intentional,
But my affections are never fatal.
You kiss the sky and my heart shatters in my breast.
In this fluttering, flashing schizophrenia the nectar spills--
Can't we just start over?
Hello. I can't stop this gravity
Your hands manipulate my electric heartstrings
Reminiscent of a child at play
And I allow myself to be plugged in,
Turned on, forgetting shouldn'ts and shoulds
Never considering goal or consequence
Resigning myself to the foreseeable betrayal
That occurs when you just do your job.
I comprehend least of all my tendency to love you
Arranging all my treasures in the sticky heat of the dawn
My naivete is constantly refreshed,
Never scarred, never jaded.
Love me not for what I seek after
And fault me not for my tendency for unconditional love,
For what I am I cannot cease to be.
25 May 2008
Notes like plasma linger in the haze.
I sang a song of valentines and smoky euphoria
Dreams of youth live on in my dizzy reality
But this will never do.
No question, this is blatant irresponsibility.
Sunlight continues to crash in upon my nauseous morning
I can only remember the stumble, tripping walking
Am I drowning? Perhaps this is intentional,
But my affections are never fatal.
You kiss the sky and my heart shatters in my breast.
In this fluttering, flashing schizophrenia the nectar spills--
Can't we just start over?
Hello. I can't stop this gravity
Your hands manipulate my electric heartstrings
Reminiscent of a child at play
And I allow myself to be plugged in,
Turned on, forgetting shouldn'ts and shoulds
Never considering goal or consequence
Resigning myself to the foreseeable betrayal
That occurs when you just do your job.
I comprehend least of all my tendency to love you
Arranging all my treasures in the sticky heat of the dawn
My naivete is constantly refreshed,
Never scarred, never jaded.
Love me not for what I seek after
And fault me not for my tendency for unconditional love,
For what I am I cannot cease to be.
25 May 2008
Primavera
Beautiful. A tree at William Faulker's estate in Oxford, Mississippi. Captured by moi in March of 2008.
Luminosity
Ribbon of purple electricity
A current of intoxicated energy
Puff of blue-grey rock and roll smoke
Moisture gathers on anxious foreheads
What a delicious dinner.
In this instant you are flawless
Trust me, hold tightly to me
Every moment is lyrically inspiring
And passionately screaming red
A flash bulb shattered
Freeing piercing rays that cannot be scrubbed away
An imperative form of affection kicks the glass to the curb
Behind closed eyes, it painted a masterpiece:
Your portrait in blue and yellow.
I look to the sun, but it has yet to fade away-
My lashes have become gilded frames of your reflection.
4 March 2006
A current of intoxicated energy
Puff of blue-grey rock and roll smoke
Moisture gathers on anxious foreheads
What a delicious dinner.
In this instant you are flawless
Trust me, hold tightly to me
Every moment is lyrically inspiring
And passionately screaming red
A flash bulb shattered
Freeing piercing rays that cannot be scrubbed away
An imperative form of affection kicks the glass to the curb
Behind closed eyes, it painted a masterpiece:
Your portrait in blue and yellow.
I look to the sun, but it has yet to fade away-
My lashes have become gilded frames of your reflection.
4 March 2006
“…but you are my favorite work of art.”
I’ve let the past bleed into the present and the future.
How can I help it?
You are like cold strawberries fizzing in my mouth.
It’s early spring, and it is so sweet.
I don’t know how to untangle these knots I tie so well.
Until you play for me, my warbling eyes won’t see the light.
Swing me around the floor and I’ll dizzily forget any other dancer.
Saying yes to you is my strongest suit.
And yours: drowning in the hot water.
There you are, above me and I, euphoric.
My soul could simply overflow when you smile.
I can feel a draft through the window pane,
And feathers like clouds around me.
Lights dim, sound fades and stumbling patrons sleep
But we’re still here, ignorant and blissful.
Neither of us has ever had a plan.
4 March 2006
How can I help it?
You are like cold strawberries fizzing in my mouth.
It’s early spring, and it is so sweet.
I don’t know how to untangle these knots I tie so well.
Until you play for me, my warbling eyes won’t see the light.
Swing me around the floor and I’ll dizzily forget any other dancer.
Saying yes to you is my strongest suit.
And yours: drowning in the hot water.
There you are, above me and I, euphoric.
My soul could simply overflow when you smile.
I can feel a draft through the window pane,
And feathers like clouds around me.
Lights dim, sound fades and stumbling patrons sleep
But we’re still here, ignorant and blissful.
Neither of us has ever had a plan.
4 March 2006
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