Tortured Lexicon

In the murky light
your words drift like
litter inside me

And I dreamt of
duplicity, a scene
kinder than our reality

Your hands had the
blood on them-
though you protested

and I wagged my finger-
even as you defied-
I exiled you

and that chosen loss
forged in me
a restless fear

It’s a torturous survival
One must treat
others dismissively

and oneself, too.
Such thoughts,
such reckless thoughts

Bemoaning this
insatiability, I
clasp your forgotten palm

siphoning my
love with the
richest grief

It’s as if one could
exist only for
pleasure's sake

A stumbling
caller at a
dirty door

25 July 2010

Born to Roar

You shrank from me as
suddenly as you owned
my sallow love

Remember? I gave it
stingily, with angst
to be nurtured

I am not selfish
but petrified, an
infant orca under the ice

While we drink, we are
beautiful and kind, all
fresh lips and stale words

And you’d do anything, and I
could stand to cry, swimming
in the promise of it all

Perhaps we are a
pair of simple egos, born to
roar and not to care

In sleep, your weight died
composed and in heat and
I smiled at our regression

But then you barreled
though the streets and
the stained glass

Turned back, holding
hands and steeling your
teeth against the rain

You are vacant, an
abandoned maze and I have not
the wherewithal to walk you.

7 July 2010